Where my life is heading....

So, I enjoy teaching. I really do. I have great days and great kids. But most of the days, they exasperate me. I start to think about how I didn't really like high school the first time around, so when did I think it was wise to teach in high school for the rest of my life. I love teaching, but I'm pretty sure I don't like the students. I love the material I teach, but I don't know how to break it down to the even the tiniest bits of information. So, now more than ever, I am convinced that teaching is not what I want to do for the rest of my life. I'm going to seriously persue pharmacy. I started looking into going back to school at the end of last year, but now I'm going to follow in a friend's footsteps and start being more serious about it. I've even started to set goals for myself in applying to schools and taking the PCAT. High school is not where I want to be for the rest of my life. I would rather be working in an area where I feel I am feeling people get better, and some place that be a little bit more appreciative of the work that I put it into the job. Wow, I sound whiny.

I love learning. I know, I'm a huge nerd, but I can't help it. I read science books for fun. I want to constantly be challenged. I want to learn new things that can change the way we live our lives. I don't want to be in a classroom with students who feel superior to me because they started a family SUPER early. I can't deal with the constant disrespect from students and from parents, and even sometimes from administrations. I don't think I'm strong enough to teach. It's a great lay-over job, but just like any other airport traveler, I'm ready to start my next journey and make it home finally.

Okay, I feel better. Off to coach. Now that, I will miss!

Saying little goodbyes

When you lose someone close, everyone has advice they feel the need to give you. Most of it slid in one ear and out the other, but you start to hold on to little bits that might be important later. These pieces are stored away and when your heart feels like you are ready to deal with them, they come about. The two pieces that have come to mind recently through this holiday season is "Saying a big goodbye is actually a lot of little goodbyes" and "time heals all wounds".

We just entered into a brand new year. New beginnings, new loves, new memories, and the first new year that my father wasn't able to see. I didn't mind staying in 2008. I felt like I still had a piece of him with me. He was here for New Years 2008. He got to see my baby sister all dressed up for her 21st. He loved on Valentines Day. He laughed about my Spring Break stories. This year, he wasn't here to ring it in. I didn't think about it, until everyone started to say good-bye to 2008, and I felt like I was saying good-bye to my dad all over again. When I first lost him, I found myself holding on to everything that I had shared with him. Songs we both liked, movies we saw together, discussions we had about current events, and even something as small as sharing life in the same year together. It's very difficult to think that my memories of my dad will now stop with the end of the year 2008. Going into 2009, I am fully going into it without my dad there. And that is scary and heartbreaking at the same time. So while everyone was saying good-bye to 2008, I felt like I was saying just another little good-bye to my father. And that's worse than ringing in the new year completely alone in a room full of people.

This year I know is packed with more little good-byes for me and my sisters to face. I pray for the strength to make it through them and the ability to understand why he was taken from me at such a young age. I also pray for all the people who have recently lost someone. I don't have any new advice, just the understanding and compassion of a person who is still going through it.

So, here's to the lives that we have lost and to the lives that have just started.

Happy 2009 Everyone. Let's live it like it might be our last.

Peer Pressure

Okay, so I got talked into. I'm starting a blog. Stephy says I have a lot to say and I guess I do. Here's to opening my big mouth and now publishing all of my random thoughts. Now, if I can just figure out to find people......