Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Saying little goodbyes

When you lose someone close, everyone has advice they feel the need to give you. Most of it slid in one ear and out the other, but you start to hold on to little bits that might be important later. These pieces are stored away and when your heart feels like you are ready to deal with them, they come about. The two pieces that have come to mind recently through this holiday season is "Saying a big goodbye is actually a lot of little goodbyes" and "time heals all wounds".

We just entered into a brand new year. New beginnings, new loves, new memories, and the first new year that my father wasn't able to see. I didn't mind staying in 2008. I felt like I still had a piece of him with me. He was here for New Years 2008. He got to see my baby sister all dressed up for her 21st. He loved on Valentines Day. He laughed about my Spring Break stories. This year, he wasn't here to ring it in. I didn't think about it, until everyone started to say good-bye to 2008, and I felt like I was saying good-bye to my dad all over again. When I first lost him, I found myself holding on to everything that I had shared with him. Songs we both liked, movies we saw together, discussions we had about current events, and even something as small as sharing life in the same year together. It's very difficult to think that my memories of my dad will now stop with the end of the year 2008. Going into 2009, I am fully going into it without my dad there. And that is scary and heartbreaking at the same time. So while everyone was saying good-bye to 2008, I felt like I was saying just another little good-bye to my father. And that's worse than ringing in the new year completely alone in a room full of people.

This year I know is packed with more little good-byes for me and my sisters to face. I pray for the strength to make it through them and the ability to understand why he was taken from me at such a young age. I also pray for all the people who have recently lost someone. I don't have any new advice, just the understanding and compassion of a person who is still going through it.

So, here's to the lives that we have lost and to the lives that have just started.
Happy 2009 Everyone. Let's live it like it might be our last.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Peer Pressure

Okay, so I got talked into. I'm starting a blog. Stephy says I have a lot to say and I guess I do. Here's to opening my big mouth and now publishing all of my random thoughts. Now, if I can just figure out to find people......