I lost my karma.

I bought a necklace two weeks after my dad died last April. It's a Dogeared necklace. It has a silver small circle on a silver ball chain. It's the Karma Power bead. I bought it at The Wooden Nickel in Stillwater the weekend of the Calf-Fry 2008. I love it. It was a symbol of everything I needed to understand at the time. Karma - "What goes around, comes around."

I wear it all the time. It's in all my pictures from the first summer without my dad to the first time I went back to church. It was there when my best friend was baptized and when I dedicated my life to Christ. It has been admired by many friends, students, and babies. It is my nervous tick. When I am thinking heavily about something, nervous, trying to look coy, I reach for my "karma".

I left it twice. Once, at a guy's apartment. Along with many other things. It was the only thing I fought to get back. I called him, asked him about it. Bugged my friend to go get it. And 24 hours later, it was back on my naked neck. The other time, was during the holidays. I left it at my step-mom's house and my sister brought it back to me two days later. Besides those three days, I have always had that necklace.

It rests on my neck, while the significance rests in my heart. It lays on my nightstand while I dream at night. It shines on my vanity while I shower. It is the reason of this blog's title. I joked to my friend the other day about retiring it.

Well, it decided to retire itself. I set it aside at a friend's house over Spring Break and it has disappeared. Trust me, I have looked frantically in every crook and cranny of all of my three bags.

I have lost my "karma".